On the verge of tears

I'm so depressed. I just tried on clothing that I bought last spring after I had the baby and nothing fit. Everything is so tiny. A few months after the baby I was in a size 1-2. Now I comfortably fit into my size 4-5 stuff. I have gained about 10lbs in a year. Its good..I mean it's great that I've finally been able to gain weight and it is what I said I wanted and I'm back in the size I felt comfortable in and had higher self esteem. Before I was way too thin, but I'm having a really hard time with this. I feel horribly fat, and ugly. I hate my new hair cut, I hate how stuff fits on my body. The smalls are too small and the mediums are too big. We are going to Texas and will possibly be seeing the kids mom and I just feel beyond ugly. I shouldn't care what she thinks of me but truth is I do. I want her to be like wow she can raise my kids and still look good, and that's just not how I feel at all. I already feel like her family judges me because I couldn't even give Bryan a baby since she died. I just feel like a failure. I know I shouldn't I know I have surpassed anything she has done but I can't shake the feeling that I'm inferior to her. Now I really am crying and this has become more of a post about my self confidence...or lack of instead of weight...

gina...your beautiful!! im sorry to hear about your little girl..i didnt know that. your not inferior to your hubbys kids mom. he is with you. and i bet he thinks your beautiful!!!! i hope you feel better.

sorry im not much help.

I am so sorry Do you have any body sculpting or toneing class you could go to they will do wonders quickly. It sounds like you are already thin enough you just need to tone up a little so YOU feel better also it will definitley help things fit better. Personally off your profile pic I think you are beautiful and no I am not just saying that. I don't know much about you but I what I do I think you are a really nice person. You shouldn't have anything to worry about, feeling inferrior or whatever.
i can totally 100% sympathize with the not being comfortable in your own body thing. I have struggled with my weight for years and I don't know if I will ever be comfortable!

Aww sweetie your so pretty!!! Know we love you!!

Gina... you are beautiful!!!! Your body looks great... don't get discouraged with a new body size it takes time to get used to it. Believe me I wish I had your problem. I'm wearing an 11 now and I was in a 5 or 7 depending before I got pregnant. I HATE my body lol.

You are totally not a failure. Things happened that are out of your control and there is no blame in that. You are an amazing woman, you look amazing, you have done amazing things, and have grown emotionally! Don't get so down on yourself hun!!

Thanks so much girls..now ya'll are making me cry from your kind words lol. I think I'm just really emotional right now. I'm so happy to be going home but it's hard because I want Bryanna to be with us, and it just bring about all these feelings. I think because I have been so skinny for so long it is a huge adjustment for my body to be changing.

Honey, if I had your phone number, I would so be calling you right now.

I know that what I'm saying really can't make it all go away and make you feel better forever, but read it anyways. You are a beautiful person. You have a wonderful husband and family and life. Do not feel inferior to anyone else.

Don't think that they are judging you. You don't really know that they are, and if they are, don't care about it. You can't really compare the two of you anyways. You're two different people and that alone does not make either of you better than the other. She might have given Bryan two kids, but that obviously wasn't enough for him to stay married to her (Plus, boys smell according to Avery). He needed more and he found you. You are his wife now. You are the one that he shares his life with and goes home to at the end of the day.

As for your clothes, I have a weird body and I hate how things fit me too, but I've had to learn to work with it. Look at what clothes you have and see what you can do with them. Would a belt over your shirts help any? That's really in style right now and it will help the too big stuff be a little more form fitting. I'm not sure about your hair. Check out stuff on youtube or google some hair blogs for ideas of what to do with your style and type.

Really, the easiest thing for you to do is fake it all. There are plenty of days that I feel frumpy and ugly and I really don't want to be around anyone, but I have to. So I tell myself that I'm hot shit and go with it. The most important thing for you to have is the right attitude. Even if you're wearing sweats and weigh 400 lbs, if you have the right attitude, it will work wonders. You don't even have to really believe it completely. Before you do anything (like meet the ex) and whenever you find that you're having negative thoughts about yourself, have a little peptalk. Tell yourself that you can do it, that you're gorgeous, that even if you look like a slob that day, you're better than everyone else. Then you stick your nose up in the air, have correct posture, and let your inner beauty and your attitude carry you. It works. I promise.

Thanks Dallas

I second what Dallas has suggested. Give yourself a pep talk, sweetie! You are a beautiful woman inside and out. And I truly, truly believe that we can help our cause and feel better about ourselves by using affirmations. Even if you are currently struggling with your image, constantly throw that smile on and keep telling yourself in the mirror how beautiful you are. An outward show of confidence will do wonders for your confidence on the inside. Sometimes if I stare at my flaws to long in the mirror I start to get sad and disgusted... so I immediately leave the room with the mirror and start thinking about all my positive attributes. It's sounds silly, but I'm proud to admit that I really do talk to myself about these things and it has helped me through some deeply personal insecurities.

I'm thinking of you!!!

Aww you shouldnt feel that way. I agree with Dallas said. As far as clothing goes, might it be the manufacturers of the clothing? I can wear Small in some and Medium in others. Why dont you do a lttle shopping trip before you go to TX? That might help boost your confidence again when you are in something that fits better. About Bryanna, I'm sorry.

IMO I think how you're feeling is pretty normal, you've got a lot of stuff going on for you right now emotionally and everything has sort of come to ahead while you're trying to get things together for heading to Texas.

If you ever want to talk, or need an ear or anything you know where to find me, just try to remember what a strong, beautiful loving person you are and how much we all care about you. You are an amazingly strong woman Gina *hugs*

Gina... You're beautiful and you're an amazing person. Listen to Dallas... She said it all!!

We love you, honey!!!